hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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