last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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