Pappa wants mamma naked
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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