is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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