How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
