He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
