So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
