put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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