wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
