Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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