Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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