oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
