i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
