I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
