Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
