Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
