She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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