she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
