I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
