Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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