hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
