anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
organizing the empties. That sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
