I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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