Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
