Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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