Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
