im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
