hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
