I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
