the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
