So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
