just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
