i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
