also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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