also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
