So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
