How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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