he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
