i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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