Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
