there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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