I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just invented taco cereal.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
