Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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