At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
whose parrot is this?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
