Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
