i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
