The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
