He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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