and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
