so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The uberlube is also flammable
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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