He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
