I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
