thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are two peas in an std pod
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
