I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
