Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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