that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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