i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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