Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
