Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
