I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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