i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
