im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
