Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
