Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
