the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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