dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
