Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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