no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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