he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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