You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
