It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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