I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
