I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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