There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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