Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
