I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
