Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
