watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
